Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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