he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize