I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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