I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation