dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I could make wine with my vomit
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.