A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.