you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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