My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
