Me too!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
