So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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