I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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