You surviving the open bar?
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I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
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You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
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There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point