so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
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i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
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Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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