i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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