it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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