That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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