update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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