My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
