don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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