Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize