All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize