My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize