im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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