A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize