i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
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Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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