fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
