Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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