When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
