There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize