if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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