He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
