I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
is it fun? or sober?
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