Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?