What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow