he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!