Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
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Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
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Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks