i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder