I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.