Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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