I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I party with great urgency now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
