Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
