I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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