dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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