just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
