I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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