Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
