I think my fart just growled at me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
