It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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