I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
