Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
