sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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