I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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