i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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