I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
