can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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