That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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