i was born a porn star she said
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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