You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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