$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
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i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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